The so-what strategy

Every day on your own teaches a brand new lesson. Sometimes you learn the easy way, but mostly great lessons are learned in the hardest way possible. Working away from home means taking a lot many decisions on your own, squeezing in time for your best friends and family in between work, and, mainly trusting people based on your own intuitions and ‘sixth sense’. Scary, it seems at first, but as time flies, and experiences blow in, we simply grow. Every little experience opens our eyes to something so marvelous, it surprises us and we ask ourselves, ‘How come I have never noticed that till now?’ or “How come I never thought of that?’

Of all the fascinating lessons life has taught me, one of the best would be the ‘so what?’ strategy. I realized that after a lot of things bothered me so much, I could not reason out why I was letting it bother me at all in the first place. Just like everybody else on the planet, I had a million things to worry about and somehow I grew up thinking I was the only woman on earth who had a million things to worry about. It took time, friends, ‘a dad’ and plenty of books to convince me that everybody has problems; they just chose to stay happy in spite of having it. Happiness is a choice. It is a habit and it comes to those who chose to make it a habit. I realized that you could let anything affect you, anything demotivate you, you could let anybody tell you that you cannot do it, let anybody scoff at you, but all of them is a choice, you let them or you don’t let them. And there are definitely times in life when you cannot stop people from doing things, from saying things and there are people and instances you cannot avoid. Thus, was born my beautiful, ‘works very well’ mantra, the ‘so what?’ strategy.  

When I first came to where I live now, I had many pre-conceived notions, a narrow mind and very little self-confidence. I am not ashamed to say that, in fact I am very proud to admit that, since it is anyways a thing of the past. Every little thing bothered me, ‘Why is she staring at me like that?’, ‘Is my question too dumb to ask?’, ‘Am I fit to do a PhD?’, and so many more you don’t want to know. I wanted to please everybody, I wanted to be everybody’s friend, I never voiced my opinion because I was afraid that people would judge me for it. I was torn between being the real me and being someone everybody liked to push around, just because it would make them happy. A recent book opened my eyes to questions that had plagues me for years. I always wondered, ‘Is it okay to stay away from people who are too negative? Or is it impolite to avoid conversations with them? Is it okay if I could just keep to myself because talking to some people only meant too much gossip? Or should I just go ahead and be a part of it because otherwise I would be shunned from the group?’ This book I read answered my queries, very direct, simple answers, not the ‘Follow your heart’ stuff that left you trying to figure out when exactly does your heart speak, and if it did say something what exactly is it saying. It said simply, that the greatest gift you could give for yourself is being truthful to yourself. To ask yourself honestly, ‘Is what I am doing really worth it? So what if that happened? It is not the end of the world.’ Well, not the exact words, but something quite close. I ended up liking the ‘so what?’ part of it.

I applied it to my daily life, and eventually everything started falling into place.

‘Oh my god, I screwed up my experiment!’

‘So what? You could anyways repeat it.’

‘Why is she acting so stuck-up?’

‘So what? Just be glad you are not her’

‘Who is he to tell me who I am?’

‘So what, does this make you who he thinks you are?’

I remember I wished a family friend for his achievement, and he acted like he did not even hear me. It was my first day back home after a long time, and it disappointed me that people whom you trust and love can act so cold that it freezes your emotions. I broke down on my way back home as it was heart-wrenching. The ‘so what?’ strategy smiled at me and though I was in no mood to think positively, I thought I’d give it a try.

‘So what if they ignored you, does this make you any lesser a person than you are? So what if your first day was bad, don’t you have a whole vacation to look forward to? So what if all your plans have flopped, you could still make plenty more.’

See? It works all the time, all you have to do is calm yourself and ask ‘so what?’

And hey, so what if I took an hour to write this instead of my report, don’t I still have tomorrow? ;)

Best. Friends. Forever.

When I watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S season seven on Monica’s wedding for the first time, it brought a tear to my eye seeing Rachel cry every time someone said, ‘wedding’. And right now, I can exactly imagine what she must have been going through. My best friend is getting married next week and though I am not with her at this moment, all I can think (read ‘dream’) of is the happy, delightful and divine function that I am soon going to be a part of.

Attending a wedding is one thing but attending your best friend’s wedding is definitely another thing by itself. The heavenly music, colorful decorative flowers hanging on the walls, elders running around, some for a reason, some for no reason, children dressed up and playing around, some fighting to sit near the bride, some shying away from the camera, and finally the beautiful bride, glowing with happiness and blushing as she looks at the groom. I remember I hardly ate anything at my sister’s wedding. My father had gone into great pains to include special sweets in the menu that my family loved (‘suggested’ that is, final decision was made by yours truly) but, on the three consecutive days, I touched little food, beyond myself with excitement and hardly being able to contain it. Weddings, especially of those who are close to me, do that to me. I get so incredibly happy that all I can do is cry. ;) Magical, that’s what they are.

And now as the D day nears, it makes me more emotional than ever. Ms. A, as I will call her, has been my best friend for 6 years, and though we have had some hard times, have gone out of touch for a few months, and been a little too busy for awhile, we have always had an intense connection, a sense of belonging that come what may, refuses to vanish (no complaints there though).

Ms. A, soon to be Mrs. A; I have argued with her, teased her, made her cry, fought with her shamelessly for the ‘window-seat’, (embarrassing as it may sound, but to be accepted at this juncture), but I always, always knew that she will forever be my best friend. Every time my mother told me that A had called to wish them for a function, or their anniversary or someone’s birthday, all I could tell her was, “How does that woman remember everything?!” She is beautiful, in every way possible, with a generous heart, and a kind smile that always made my day.

Have you ever had that one cheery friend whom you could laugh with on anything? Who always knew what would upset you, what would inspire you, who found your most ridiculous ideas extremely interesting, who could easily find out whom you had a crush on, who could understand you so well, sometimes you don’t even have to say it out aloud, she would simply know it before you say it? If you did, you would know what I mean when I say that Ms. A is that friend. She was there when I wanted her to teach me something, she was there when I called her in the middle of the night to scold someone who hurt me, and she was there when I wanted to just blame and moan and complain like a baby. And she was and will always be the only person in my life who could listen to me say the same thing a hundred times. Honest, genuine and extremely patient (with me :) ), she would sit by me and quietly advise me on what I should have done and should not have done. And come to think of it, my ‘should not have done’ list always seemed to be really long. I remember all the times I dozed off in class, or simply refused to listen to the teacher because I did not like him, she used to patiently take notes and I used to patiently Xerox them. Someone, whom I could always count on, someone who loves my parents as much as I do them, someone who has and I know for sure, will always keep her word.

Before the wedding celebrations begin, and I am thrown out of your room before I get to talk to you ;), I want to let you know that I will always be there for you, to support you, laugh with you and make fun of you. And as I watch you become a beautiful bride, and marry your ‘knight in shining armor’ on your special day, I want to think of how we have been and will always continue to be ‘best friends forever’.

My dad. My hero.

'One lazy weekend this was', I thought to myself. I had done literally nothing, watched 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S re-runs' (if that counts as something useful, I liked to tell myself that it did though. It does, you know. Teaches you about friendship and love and how to mess up stuff), shopped, slept, well you figure out the rest. I sighed to myself as I remembered that it was my 'duty' this week, to clean the house as a 'co-operative roommate', the way I liked to call myself. Cleaning the house actually appealed to me, it gave me the time to think, sing ('Hey, I am on duty') and I simply liked the feeling of seeing a spotless kitchen later. Sometimes, I do get a little paranoid about it, so much that I go and check to see if anybody had 'spotted' my handiwork.

When I started the routine this week, I couldn't help but think. If you know me too well, this wouldn't surprise you. I think. All the time. My friend likes to joke that 'I think too much and put myself in a bad mood'. I don't blame him, really. I just like it, and I keep thinking so much that it refuses to go of my system sometimes. I always think that one fine day my brain would tell me, 'Oh enough already, let me get some sleep, woman, I have been working all day'. See, I 'thought' again. You get the drift. 

Today was father's day and being away from home, I could think only of dad. My lovely, kind, cool and handsome dad. Not just one in a million, probably the only in millions. I remember how I used to really drive him up the wall with my questions, arguements and 'you love her more, sniff!', 'her' being my elder sister and 'sniff', being my innate ability to act the drama queen.

"Appa (dad in tamil, for my international audience ;)), I scored only 'so much' in science, I am going to grow up and be an useless young woman who is not good at anything at all." and all he would say was, "Oh forget your science paper, I never read science?! I'll tell you the story of this paper-wala?" and he would go on to tell me about this paper-wala who became a millionaire by selling only papers. Believe it or not, he is that cool. And I would end up grinning from ear to ear, dreaming of starting my own paper business with all the science textbooks in the world, until, of course, enter mom plus a spanking. 

There were times when being this obedient little girl that I was, I would go up to him and ask, 'Daddy, what should I do when my friend copies?' and my dad would simply say, 'Talk to your friend and tell him that is wrong, teach him if needs help with his studies', a response that I grew up to find was very unusual among fathers, hearing my friends say stories of them being made to abandon that 'friend' altogether plus get beaten up with a belt, for having been friends with such an erm, 'friend'. 

What I love the most about him is the fact that he would never hurt a soul if he could. Quite contrary to the scenario in homes those days, I have never heard my dad raise his voice against us (well, we were nice kids too ;)), the only time being to argue that children should never be beaten but handled with love. Every kid who came to our home, would become daddy's pet, taught how to wash the car, or pick the guavas from the tree, or help him arrange the toys on the kolu stand, all the time with me and my sis running around the house with barbie dolls in our hands. His brown eyes are soft, with genuine concern to anybody who approached him. He was and will always be my best friend, practical and open-minded when compared to almost anybody I know, with his ability to handle and understand people in so little time, when all you could have ever done was finish your little cup of coffee. The first time I learned that age gave him 'the wisdom', it surprised me. 'Noo! Dads are born 'dads' as a package, with the mustache and the wisdom', was what I thought till I grew a little old, and earned my share of wisdom myself. 

Walks in the park were never really walks, they were simply a time for 'father-daughter' bonding, with both of us carrying paper-wrapped sundal, and me whining to him about all the studying that I had to do. We would discuss the day's events, complain about mom, and be welcomed back home, with my mom asking, "You both will definitely sleep well today, wont you? After all the complaining about me?" I would shake my head vehemently and make my most innocent face while dad would quickly surprise mom with yet another paper-wrapped sundal. 

I smiled to myself. I had almost finished cleaning the room, and it looked spotless, if I can say so myself.

I walked to the hall and looked out of the window at the children's park and saw a young father throwing his little girl into the air as she screamed in delight.

I looked on as I thought to myself, 'If there was anything I could ever change about my life, I would change nothing, because I know, appa, that you will always be by my side.' 

I love you, dad, and you are, truly, my hero.

My proud moment!

I have always dreamt of starting a blog but somehow have never had the patience to do so. Looking at some of my friends penning down their thoughts, opinions, I have been more than inspired to pen down my own too. This blog is more like a diary (atleast for now) of my own emotions. Sometimes I find myself pouring out to myself (sounds cranky, but am quite sure all of us do this at one point of time! :D), talking to myself inside my head, waiting to grab a pen and write it all down. Staying alone, far away from home, I find blogs an amazing 'tool' to let my friends (and a lot of other people) know what I feel. Hence the humble attempt. My writing needs some polishing, I know. My grammar too, I suppose. For now, however, this has to do. Am quite proud of this moment of accomplishment, my first post on my first (and only) blog. *Kudos to myself!*